Selecting a Competent Church Mediator. There is a huge difference in training, experience, and approach.

How To Select a

Competent Church Mediator

by Dr. Kenneth C. Newberger

I received an e-mail from a senior pastor who was inquiring about my conflict resolution and reconciliation services. He decided not to turn to his own denomination for help. He wrote, in part,

Our denomination has a state staff which is available for mediation and conflict resolution. But my honest opinion is that they know just enough to be dangerous. I've not worked with them because every church I know of where they've "helped" has ended up worse than before they intervened.

Given my line of work, this may seem like a self-defeating quotation. I cite it because I identify with it.

I served as a senior pastor in my second church several years ago. After more than five years of ministry at this congregation, conflict emerged. The denominational person responsible for my geographical area was busy with other matters so he asked a pastor in the region to help out in our situation. This pastor called himself a mediator and indicated that he had experience in this field. I knew nothing about what was involved and naively assumed that he knew what he was doing. I, and a group of my supporters, met with this individual at the very beginning of his involvement. Weeks then went by without a word. My wife ask several times, “why aren't we hearing anything?” I told her not to worry. Eventually, I received a phone call. The mediator called only to ask me two or three questions. Then more time elapsed. The silence was deafening. I had no idea what was going on. Finally, I received a brief informational call from the man. Shortly thereafter a “mediation report” was issued. The matter was officially over and so were my days at that church. We were flabbergasted by a process which, among other things, never brought the disputing sides together even once! Though the details in my case have their unique features, my overall experience is little different than what the senior pastor above expressed.

Three Guidelines

Should you ever need the assistance of a mediator for your church, how can you make a wise choice? I offer you three guidelines:

First, require the mediator to provide you with an outline of the process he intends to use from beginning to end. The more understandable the process is to all sides, the less energy has to be expended on wondering what's going to happen next. If the mediator can't tell you the process he intends to follow up, and the rationale behind it, look elsewhere.

Second, if the sole goal of his process involves an “report” to the congregation with the mediator's “findings,” watch out! Such reports typically assign blame. This may be appropriate for an arbitrator who, by necessity, must make judgments on the past in order to make a ruling to bring an ongoing matter to an official close. This should not be, however, what a mediator strives to do. The disputing parties are already finding fault with each other. For the mediator to do the same is, in reality, little different than becoming another disputant. Look for a person whose primary focus is future-oriented and asks questions such as, “given the past, where does the church go from here? How can we get there in as collaborative a fashion as possible?”

Third, look to the background, training, and experience of the interventionist. One who is experienced in interpersonal mediation may have no experience in an organizational setting, such as a church, where large numbers of people are involved. One who is experienced in organizational settings may have no experience working with churches. Ask these two questions: (1) Does the consultant have both a seminary degree? Churches need mediators who understand congregational polity, church culture, theology, etc. (2) Does the consultant have an advanced degree in conflict resolution? Churches also need assistance from those trained and experienced in making peace. Uniquely qualified consultants are those that have degrees and experience in both.

It is not easy to step into the middle of a dispute. Just ask Lot (Gen. 19:5-9), Moses Ex. 2:11-15, Acts 7:26-29), or Esther (Esther 4:16). This may be one reason Jesus calls peacemakers “blessed” (Mat. 5:9). Where many avoid conflict, peacemakers rush in. But churches must pay close attention to the qualifications of those from whom they seek help. The fact that anyone can call himself a mediator doesn't necessarily make it so. Finding a mediator who is worthy of the title can be the difference between a conflict that is constructively resolved and one that is not.

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